In each of us is an author and a reader. Every day we are speaking to ourselves, creating a story about ourselves. The story you tell yourself about yourself is the most important story you will ever read.
The most important human relationship you have in your lifetime is not with another human being; it’s with yourself.
What is that relationship like? What story are you telling yourself about yourself every single day? What about in difficult moments? What about moments of temporary defeat or failure that we all go through in different seasons of life and in various ways? Your own voice inside of your head that speaks to you… would you say it’s positive? Is it motivational? Does it lift you up, does it affirm and reaffirm your success and progress when you are striving? Or does it tear you down?
Most people live their lives and accept the story of themselves that they tell themselves without monitoring it.
I bet if an actual human being walked up to you and told you some of the things you tell yourself regularly, you would smack the mess out of them and tell them off.
Here is why this is relevant: Your self-talk reveals your future.
Whatever you believe to be true IS true... for you.
If your self-talk tells you to get up, you’ve got this, try and try again, keep going, you’re going to make it, you’re going to win, etc., then it actually enables you to do so. The opposite is also true. If your self-talk says, “This is never going to work,” “I can’t do this,” “there is no way,” “I’m going to fail,” “I’m an idiot,” “What was I thinking?” etc., you will never win.
You cannot speak self-doubt, disbelief, and failure to yourself, about yourself regularly and make progress at the same time.
For many people that are new to personal and professional development, this may just sound like wise talk and theory with no practical use.
I promise you, there is a useful application, one that I have used, refined, and consistently apply and work on on a daily basis.
- Be aware. The first step to change is always awareness. Monitor your self-talk, and if you need to set it straight, do it. There is no room for negativity.
- Build your belief and confidence. You build your belief and confidence by assessing your education on the topic, your experience (both positive and negative) with the topic, and your environment (what outside things are influencing you in regard to the topic). For example, if your goal was to get in the best shape of your life but you are currently overweight and you learned in step one that you always call yourself fat when you put on your clothes in the morning or look in the mirror, and you want to change your self-talk, what are you doing to build your belief and confidence on weight loss/weight management? In regard to your education, what are you studying? What are you reading? What are you listening to that is educational that will teach you what you need to know about healthy weight loss? In regard to your experience, what are you reflecting on? Are you reflecting on the fact you had this same exact goal last year and failed miserably, and now you’re dragging last year’s failure into this year like a plague? Or are you reflecting on an experience you had in the past where you successfully dropped some weight and even changed clothing sizes? How are these experiences being dragged into the present from the past, and how is that effecting your self-talk today? And lastly, your environment... Are you surrounded by food items that would take you farther from your goal instead of nearer to it? Or is your pantry and refrigerator stocked with things that will take you closer to your goal? Are you spending time with people that have your same exact problem or hanging around people that have your solution? Do you allow anyone or anything around you to tell you that you can’t reach your goal, or have you surrounded yourself by people that lift you up and support your goal and believe in you?
- Journal. Write out your goals and write out a motivational speech from yourself to yourself. Read it often. Write it often. Next thing you know, you’ll start to think of these positive words more often consciously and subconsciously, and it will transform your self-talk into productive self-talk instead of destructive self-talk.
Oprah Winfrey's talk show The Oprah Winfrey Show is one of the longest running daytime television talk shows in history. Her net worth is billions. She was born to a very poor family and was sexually abused in her childhood. She had a baby when she was just 14 years old. It died in two weeks. From circumstances, she did not appear to have a very big shot at doing great things in her life. So how did she do it? Oprah believed in herself. She encourages everybody else to believe in themselves as well. There is a massive potential in each of us even though we do not feel it all the time. We still have to believe in ourselves!